Embracing Your Worth: Cultivating Self-Compassion
In her transformative book titled "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are," acclaimed author and researcher Brené Brown beautifully highlights the vital role of love, belonging, and self-worth in our lives. According to Brown, “love and belonging are essential to the human experience,” and to truly experience them, we must believe in our own worthiness (p. 31).
However, how can we foster this belief that we are worthy? Worthy of receiving love and worthy of feeling as though we are part of something greater than ourselves? (p. 35). Brown suggests many ways, including “learning how to trust ourselves, to treat ourselves with respect, and to be kind and affectionate toward ourselves” (p. 36). This can be challenging for many of us, not only because we often criticize ourselves harshly, but also due to past painful experiences that hinder our ability to treat ourselves with kindness.
One small step we can take to cultivate this sense of worthiness is by practising extending self-compassion towards ourselves. When negative thoughts arise, such as feeling that we have made mistakes or are not good enough, it helps to create some space between ourselves and these thoughts. This can be achieved by taking deep breaths or engaging in other soothing activities that calm our nervous system. We can also create distance by acknowledging the presence of negative thoughts, saying to ourselves:
"Okay, I'm noticing that my brain is struggling with thoughts of not being good enough, etc."
"I'm noticing there's a part of me that's thinking really negatively right now."
Next, we can offer ourselves words of kindness and understanding instead of criticism, such as:
"You know what, you made a mistake, but that happens sometimes, and I'll try to do better next time."
"You've been having a tough week, so it's understandable why you're feeling this way."
The key is to find words that resonate genuinely with us and to deliver them to ourselves in a warm and compassionate tone. Initially, it may not be easy, as learning to love and accept ourselves requires courage. However, the effort is well worth it because you are deserving of self-love and acceptance.
If you would like to learn more about embracing your imperfections and cultivating your sense of worthiness, I highly recommend Brené Brown’s book, "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.”
If you find that you need additional support in navigating cultivating self-compassion and developing a healthier relationship with yourself, reaching out to a therapist can be immensely helpful. A therapist can provide guidance, tools, and supportive space to explore and navigate these challenging emotions. Don't hesitate to contact me, Anna Kim, at Rock of Peace Counselling if you would like to explore therapy as a way to further support your journey towards self-acceptance and personal growth.