Managing Your Thoughts

Imagine what life would be like if we hung onto every thought we had? I recently discovered a study by Tseng and Poppenk, which concluded that healthy young adults have an average of 6000+ thoughts each day. Wow, sounds like a lot!

Sometimes our thoughts can be reminders of tasks that we’ve forgotten about, eg., “Did I turn off the coffee machine?” Sometimes our thoughts are centred around a recent event or how we see ourselves, eg., “I mess everything up; when I finally spoke up, no one said anything.” 

Thoughts come and go. However, thoughts begin to be powerful when we hang on to one over another. Thoughts can give us self-confidence when we hold onto an encouraging word from a trusted person. Thoughts can also make us think negatively about ourselves when we don’t do well on a test, or we don’t complete a task. Our thoughts can influence ways in which we view ourselves, others and the world around us.

Here is a simple example of how unchecked thoughts can spiral out of control: We see your friend down the street but they don’t wave or acknowledge us. We might think, “This person doesn’t like me, she never wanted to be my friend…,” then we might feel sad and start to isolate ourselves from others. Which leads us to have less time with others, and therefore, re-enforcing the thought that we are unlikeable. On the other hand, we might say to ourselves, “They probably don’t see or hear us,” leaving us to feel indifferent and more likely to say hi next time, which helps us build on the friendship, and the belief that some people do like us. 

The same event can impact people differently based on the lens in which they view themselves, others, and the world. Considering the fact that we have so many thoughts a day, and the power that thoughts can have, what should we do with our thoughts? Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) looks at the thoughts we have and how they impact our emotions and behaviours. Here are some simple keys to managing your thoughts using this previous example:

1. Identify which thoughts you tend to hold onto; for example, “people don’t like me.”
2. Test the accuracy of the thought. Just because I think it, does not mean it is accurate or true. So, check the facts! Eg., facts: 1. The person was actually too far to hear anyone; 2. She wasn’t wearing her glasses, or I am guessing it was my friend because of something she was wearing - she was kind of far to see, for sure. (Note: facts are not based on our feelings or interpretation, they are just the data.)
3. If the thought is not accurate, truthful, or helpful, replace the thought with a realistic, accurate, truthful, and helpful, thought. Eg., “She may not have heard me nor seen me. I’m not 100% sure it was her. In the past, she has normally said hi. I’ll say hi the next time and ask if it was her.”
4. Remind yourself of the replacement thought - as you begin to replace your thoughts with helpful, truthful, and accurate thoughts, the old ones will still come around. Recognize the thought and practice letting go of that thought and holding on to the new thought. 
5. Repeat! By practicing thought replacement, you are teaching your brain new ways of thinking, which will eventually become automatic. It will take some effort, but you can get there. If your thoughts continue to leave you stuck and unable to move forward, reach out to a therapist who can help you develop more strategies to manage these thoughts.