Julie Buehler Blog
Julie Buehler Blog
Imagine what life would be like if we hung onto every thought we had? I recently discovered a study by Tseng and Poppenk, which concluded that healthy young adults have an average of 6000+ thoughts each day. Wow, sounds like a lot! Sometimes our thoughts can be reminders of tasks that we’ve forgotten about, eg., “Did I turn off the coffee machine?” Sometimes our thoughts are centred around a recent event or how we see ourselves, eg., “I mess everything up; when I finally spoke up, no one said anything.” Thoughts come and go. However, thoughts begin to be powerful when we hang on to one over another. Thoughts can give us self-confidence when we hold onto an encouraging word from a trusted person. Thoughts can also make us think negatively about ourselves when we don’t do well on a test, or we don’t complete a task. Our thoughts can influence ways in which we view ourselves, others and the world around us. Here is a simple example of how unchecked thoughts can spiral out of control: We see your friend down the street but they don’t wave or acknowledge us. We might think, “This person doesn’t like me, she never wanted to be my friend…,” then we might feel sad and start to isolate ourselves from others. Which leads us to have less time with others, and therefore, re-enforcing the thought that we are unlikeable. On the other hand, we might say to ourselves, “They probably don’t see or hear us,” leaving us to feel indifferent and more likely to say hi next time, which helps us build on the friendship, and the belief that some people do like us. The same event can impact people differently based on the lens in which they view themselves, others, and the world. Considering the fact that we have so many thoughts a day, and the power that thoughts can have, what should we do with our thoughts? Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) looks at the thoughts we have and how they impact our emotions and behaviours. Here are some simple keys to managing your thoughts using this previous example: Identify which thoughts you tend to hold onto; for example, “people don’t like me.” Test the accuracy of the thought. Just because I think it, does not mean it is accurate or true. So, check the facts! Eg., facts: 1. The person was actually too far to hear anyone; 2. She wasn’t wearing her glasses, or I am guessing it was my friend because of something she was wearing - she was kind of far to see, for sure. (Note: facts are not based on our feelings or interpretation, they are just the data.) If the thought is not accurate, truthful, or helpful, replace the thought with a realistic, accurate, truthful, and helpful, thought. Eg., “She may not have heard me nor seen me. I’m not 100% sure it was her. In the past, she has normally said hi. I’ll say hi the next time and ask if it was her.” Remind yourself of the replacement thought - as you begin to replace your thoughts with helpful, truthful, and accurate thoughts, the old ones will still come around. Recognize the thought and practice letting go of that thought and holding on to the new thought. Repeat ! By practicing thought replacement, you are teaching your brain new ways of thinking, which will eventually become automatic. It will take some effort, but you can get there. If your thoughts continue to leave you stuck and unable to move forward, reach out to a therapist who can help you develop more strategies to manage these thoughts.
COVID-19 has changed how we currently live our lives. Personally, I went from a mother and wife on maternity leave, to a teacher, full-time chef, parent, wife, and part-time worker. It has been trying, to say the least. The reality is social distancing and working from home will most likely continue for a while. So, here are some helpful tips to keep your home running smoothly. 1. Assess the needs of everyone in your home Ask yourself, are everyone’s needs being met? Consider Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, listed in order of greatest need. Focus on the first three primary needs. Physiological – Are we eating healthy and drinking water? Is everyone warm and getting the proper amount of sleep? Safety – Does each member of my household feel safe and secure? If not, how do I create a safe place for them? Belonging and love – Does my child or spouse need a hug, affirming word or encouragement today? Esteem – Are there small tasks/chores that each person can contribute around the home with to feel accomplished? Self-actualization – How can I achieve my full potential in this season of life? 2. Get organized When you need to balance the schedule of more than one person, getting organized will help you prioritize tasks and balance the needs of everyone. Keeping up a routine provides both children and adults with a sense of consistency and structure that can be comforting in a time of uncertainty. Keep to regular meal times and sleep times. 3. Coordinate Work Needs If you have children, and you and your spouse need to keep working, consider these tips for keeping everyone moving forward. Outline your work requirements and share them with each other. Consider whose schedule can be flexible and whose is more rigid. For example, if you’re married to a teacher, chances are they will need to be online at a certain time for work. Collaborating to balance the work needs of everyone will help each partner feel heard and valued. Be flexible. What might work for week 1 might not work for week 4. When your workday ends, stop working! Don’t let work take over. You still need a home life. 4. Schedule Self-Care The Oxford dictionary defines self-care as, “the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health”, and “protecting one’s own wellbeing and happiness.” You can’t rely on others to manage your self-care—it is your individual responsibility. This can be as simple as going for a run, listening to music, taking prescribed medication for your wellbeing, reading a book, praying and meditation, or taking a hot bath. Schedule self-care into your routine, or else, chances are, you won’t get it done. 5. Be reasonable Even if our kids miss a couple of months of school, you can help them get through this. Listen to their teachers’ recommendations, and don’t overdo it. Your kids are anxious too. Give them work to focus on. But mostly, just be available to them. They may not know how to handle their huge feelings! Listen, comfort, validate (“Yes, this sucks and it’s scary, I’m a little scared too. Here’s what has helped me, ________”) – deep breathing, faith, realizing it’s okay not to be okay. 6. Create Family Goals Work together with your family to have some goals that would be beneficial for your family’s wellbeing. There are many online tools to help anyone learn to play music, dance, stay fit, draw etc. As a family you can learn something new or work on a project that will bring the family together for a common purpose. 7. Connect Connect with people on social media, FaceTime with family, call up friends, host a Facebook party, say “hi” or smile at a neighbour from afar and don’t forget to check in with people who are not online. We are all navigating in new territory, so give yourself a break. Schedules will need to be re-evaluated and priorities will change. Be kind to yourself and each other. Remember social distancing is temporary, not permanent.