Anna Kim Blog
Anna Kim Blog
Grief, an experience as universal as it is challenging, can turn our world upside down, making us feel lost in a sea of overwhelming emotions. For those of us supporting someone navigating the grief journey, it can be very difficult to find the right words or ways to provide comfort. If grief has touched your life, one essential insight to hold onto is the importance of having your grief witnessed, a sentiment beautifully captured in David Kessler's book, "Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief" (p. 29). Every individual's grief journey is distinct, yet there is a common thread that connects us all – our longing for our pain to be seen and acknowledged (p. 29). In supporting those who are grieving, it's crucial to be attentive to their unique emotional landscape. They may be in a dark place, desiring your simple presence and validation of their pain rather than hopeful words, or they may be in need of gentle encouragement (p. 32). Regardless of their stage in the grieving process, offering your genuine presence and empathetic listening can be the most significant gift you can offer. Kessler rightly suggests, “Loss can become more meaningful—and more bearable—when reflected accurately, in another’s eyes” (p. 33). If you are currently walking the grief path, sharing your pain might seem daunting. However, remember, your feelings matter. You are important. If expressing your emotions feels challenging, don't hesitate to reach out to trusted people in your life. Allowing them to witness your grief can be healing for “both body and soul” (p. 34). -------------------------- To further understand and navigate your grief, consider exploring Kessler's enlightening book, "Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief". This resource provides valuable insights into the unique journey of grief, helping you find meaning in the midst of pain. Remember, you don't have to traverse the difficult terrain of grief alone. If you are in need of more support, you can contact me, Anna Kim, at Rock of Peace Counselling. We're here to witness your pain, guide you through your journey, and support your healing process. Your feelings matter, and you're not alone.
In Dr. Gabor Maté’s book, “When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress,” he identifies three things in a person’s life that will invariably lead to an experience of stress: “uncertainty, the lack of information and the loss of control” (p. 34). Have you ever felt this way? For myself, I can say that I experienced all three in just this past week! Why this is important though, is because stress is closely linked to not only our mental and emotional health, but our physical health as well. In fact, “all three are present in the lives of individuals with chronic illness” (p. 34). So what can we do? Interestingly, the answer is to develop emotional competence! Maté explains that “emotional competence is what we need to develop if we are to protect ourselves from the hidden stresses that create a risk to health, and it is what we need to regain if we are to heal” (p. 38). And one of the first steps to developing emotional competence, and therefore healing from the impact of hidden stresses, is to practice “Acceptance” (p. 263). This is more than simply seeing and accepting the way things are in our life. It involves acknowledging and accepting ourselves as we are, including our imperfections. This doesn’t mean we have to like everything about ourselves, but it does require looking at ourselves as deserving of compassion, and challenging our belief that we are somehow not good enough (p. 264; p. 266). One way to begin practicing this could be to ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend in the same situation as me?” What words of honesty and compassion might you offer them? What words would show them that you truly see and understand what they are going through? Maybe something like: “You seem really hurt. No wonder it’s been so hard for you.” “What you’re going through, that must be really scary.” “I can see that you’re really angry, and I see why it’s so difficult for you to move forward.” And then, if possible, try and see if you can offer these same honest, compassionate and accepting words to yourself. This can be challenging to do at first, but can become easier with time and effort. --------------------- To learn more about the physical impact of stress, and the other steps to developing emotional competence, and healing, I highly recommend Dr. Gabor Maté’s book: “When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress.” Or you can contact me, Anna Kim, at Rock of Peace Counselling if you are looking for more support in your journey to further self-discovery and healing.