PEACE IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER

“I don’t know what happened; I was able to hold it in, and then in that moment I just lost it. I don’t know why I did that.” It’s a common story, one I hear time and time again. The truth is that the story they tell me is a small part of a much larger story. At Rock of Peace, we have taken a keen interest and curiosity in anger, a journey that started with founder and director Susan Armitage working with clients and noticing themes with those she worked with. It’s lead to a book, Over the Walls of Anger, Into Each Other’s Arms, and development of programs that we use for those who come to us looking for support with their anger. Everyone experiences anger. What makes it a fascinating emotion is the various ways that humans have learned what to do with it. For many, it’s an emotion that is seen as bad, or wrong, or problematic. As we dig deeper, the “bad” is attributed typically to the expression of anger rather than the emotion. It’s about the behaviour. This contributes to a cycle in one’s behaviour. A situation happens, maybe one that has happened repeatedly. A partner does or says something, and the situation escalates to a point where you get angry, and you respond in a hurtful manner. From there, you go your separate ways, and after having some time to think about it you realize your mistake. There’s regret, maybe some guilt, possibly shame, and you’re left with wondering how this happened or why you did that. There may be a vow to never do that again. The Over the Walls of Anger book provides an understanding for that question of why I get angry. “What if I were to tell you that much of your anger happens because when you are hurt, you fear disconnection and therefore want to draw your partner closer for comfort? And that, in order to do so, ironically, you react by emotionally pushing your partner away with your anger?” It’s important to recognize that responding out of our anger is not only the person who expresses their anger verbally or physically. The introduction continues to explain that this fear of disconnection can have people respond both by an aggressive outward expression, or an inward silent expression as well. Answering the question of why you respond the way that you do is a topic that will come later. The reality is that with our anger, one of the best tools to help us learn how to respond in ways that help foster that connection rather than hurt it is by growing in our self awareness. “A healthy self-awareness includes becoming aware of your own contribution to anger as well as recognizing your inability to control anything or anyone other than yourself” (pg. 7). Sam Allison, MDiv., RP Certified Anger Management Specialist (CAMS) Certified Domestic Violence Specialist (CDVS-II)

Relationship conflicts can intensify rapidly, but proactive steps can prevent damaging escalations. Understanding how to manage emotional responses and communicate effectively helps maintain healthy relationships. Here are six ways to avoid conflicts from harming your bond. 1. Establish a "We Need a Break" Signal It's beneficial for couples to agree on a safe word or signal indicating the need to pause the conversation. This should be a neutral, non-provocative gesture that both partners can recognize and respect without feeling threatened. The signal should be used respectfully and never as a weapon in arguments. 2. Recognize the Signs of Destructive Arguments Each couple has unique patterns of conflict that can escalate into unhealthy arguments. Take time with your partner to identify these patterns and discuss them openly. Understanding these triggers can help both partners intervene before the argument spirals out of control, whether it involves blame, name-calling, or other negative tactics. 3. Define the Meaning of a "Time Out" Different interpretations of what a "time out" signifies can lead to misunderstandings. Discuss what taking a break means to each of you and ensure it's a positive and constructive tool to protect and respect your relationship rather than a way to withdraw affection or engagement. Emphasizing this can enhance the effectiveness of taking breaks during conflicts. 4. Set Clear Rules for Time Outs If a timeout is called, the person who initiated it should be responsible for re-engaging and fostering the resolution process. Decide on an appropriate time-out duration—ideally, no less than 45 minutes to allow for emotional cooling but not exceeding 24 hours to avoid prolonged disconnection. This timeframe helps regulate both partners' nervous systems and prepares them for a more constructive dialogue. 5. Use the Break Wisely Avoid spending the break period stewing over the conflict. Instead, engage in activities promoting calm and perspective, such as deep breathing, mindfulness exercises, walking, or physical activity. These practices help shift your focus and reduce emotional intensity, facilitating a healthier and more rational approach when the conversation resumes. 6. Reconnect with Care When it's time to resume discussions, start by reconnecting emotionally. Share affirmations of appreciation, gauge each other's readiness to discuss the issue, and reaffirm your commitment to the relationship's well-being. Only after re-establishing this connection should you attempt to address the original topic of conflict. This structured approach helps ensure both partners are heard and valued, leading to more effective and empathetic communication. Communicating effectively and managing conflicts effectively are essential to maintaining a strong and healthy relationship. Implementing these strategies helps couples in Newmarket navigate challenges more smoothly and strengthens their bond over time. At Rock of Peace Counselling , we provide couples therapy to help couples in Newmarket enhance their relationships through improved communication and understanding. Our professional and compassionate approach ensures that every couple receives the guidance and support they need to foster a healthier, more loving relationship. Trust us to provide the expertise and care you need to navigate your relationship challenges successfully.

What exactly is couples counselling? Let's delve into what you can expect from the journey of couples counselling.

This blog explores how couples in Newmarket can effectively incorporate these crucial ingredients into their relationships. Read more!

Have you ever considered the power of your listening skills to strengthen your marriage? Listening isn't just about hearing words; it's about connecting, getting where your partner's coming from, and making them feel seen and heard. But let's be honest: genuinely listening is challenging. We all slip up, especially when things get tense. Let's chat about those listening hiccups that might be tripping you up. The Listening Hiccups in Marriage The Self-Defense Mechanism Do you know when your partner's talking about something that bugs them, and all you can think about is what you'll say back? That's you in self-defence mode. It's like you're half-listening but just waiting for your turn to speak. We're not letting our partner's words in when we're all armoured up like that. What if we took a deep breath and tried to see things from their side instead? Imagine how much closer that could bring you two. Jumping Straight to Fix-It Mode Ever catch yourself throwing out solutions before your partner's even finished their sentence? It's like we're wired to fix things ASAP. But sometimes, your partner needs you to be there to hear them out, not to whip out a toolbox of quick fixes. It's about feeling with them, not just solving for them. Being Too Sure of Yourself Ever listen to your partner and think, "Well, that's not right"? We all do it. We've got the whole picture, and we're still waiting to get something. Everyone's got their take on things, shaped by stuff we might not see. Being open, asking questions, and diving into their origins can be a game-changer. So, if you're nodding along, thinking, "Yep, that's us," it might be time to give us a call. Whether untangling communication knots or finding new ways to hear each other out, we're here to help. We're all about turning those listening hiccups into strengths. Our marriage counselling in Newmarket is about creating a space where both of you feel safe to open up and where listening turns into understanding and connecting on a deeper level. At Rock of Peace Counselling , every couple has the potential to find their rhythm, to get each other, and to build a relationship that's strong, supportive, and full of understanding. Let's chat, listen, and see how we can strengthen your partnership.

A common difficulty people face is distinguishing between stress and anxiety. It's a misconception to deem one less significant than the other. As a psychotherapist in newmarket , I view these conditions through a different lens, neither inherently more severe nor more deserving of treatment. Stress is a physiological response to life's pressures, whereas anxiety is the anticipation of future threats with physical manifestations. While stress is transient, fluctuating with life's ebbs and flows, anxiety lingers, often overprotecting against both real and imagined threats. Understanding the reactive nature of stress versus the proactive characteristic of anxiety is crucial. Seeking Clarity: Stress or Anxiety? "Is my experience normal?" The curated snapshots of life we see daily at work or on social media can distort our perception of normalcy. However, many of those seemingly serene faces are masking their struggles. It's vital to recognize that experiencing stress and anxiety is entirely normal. Internal Conflicts: "Why Am I Stressed for No Reason?" Many who suffer from chronic anxiety express feelings of unexplained dread or panic. If you've ever criticized yourself for feeling anxious or stressed without an apparent cause, you must understand that your body's response to anxiety or stress is not within your conscious control. It's the work of your sympathetic nervous system, striving to protect you, sometimes a little too vigorously. Childhood Experiences Shaping Anxiety Your past, including your upbringing and life experiences, plays a significant role in shaping your responses to stress and anxiety. Whether growing up in a challenging environment, feeling pressured to meet specific standards, or dealing with stressful work and personal relationships, your nervous system has developed its response patterns for a reason. Determining the Need for Professional Help The crucial question many ask is whether their level of stress or anxiety justifies seeking treatment. Normalizing these feelings doesn't negate their impact on health and well-being. Persistent stress and anxiety not only hinder life enjoyment but can also contribute to serious health issues over time. Understanding Stress and Anxiety: A Comprehensive View If you find yourself researching stress or anxiety, it's likely indicative of a significant impact on your life. Addressing these issues might involve reducing life stressors or retraining your nervous system to react differently. It's about finding a balance where stress and anxiety don't dominate your daily experiences. For those in Newmarket seeking support, a psychotherapist can provide valuable guidance. A psychotherapist can help navigate the complexities of stress and anxiety, offering strategies to manage and reduce their impact. In Newmarket, the need for understanding and addressing these concerns is paramount. Whether it's navigating the nuances of stress and anxiety or embarking on a journey towards personal well-being, a psychotherapist in Newmarket can be your ally. Rock of Peace Counselling stands ready to assist those seeking a reliable and skilled team to aid in this journey, including a Certified Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional on our team. With a commitment to professionalism and a deep understanding of individual needs, we are here to support you every step of the way. Contact us today to begin your journey towards a healthier, more fulfilling life.

The relationships we weave with friends, family, and partners are among the most vibrant threads. These connections shape our happiness and our mental health in profound ways. But let's be honest: Relationships can be as complicated as they are rewarding. Sometimes, it's hard to spot the signs of an unhealthy relationship because they can sneak up on us, becoming part of the norm. So, What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like? Imagine a relationship where you and your partner talk openly, respect each other deeply, and ultimately trust. You both feel free to share your thoughts and feelings. It's about understanding and supporting each other, finding a balance between give and take. Conflicts? Sure, they happen. But it's not about winning but finding solutions that work for both of you. In a healthy relationship, you get to be authentic, creating a space that's as comforting as uplifting. The Role of Communication and Respect Good communication and a solid dollop of respect are the cornerstone of any strong relationship. It's about listening to each other, being honest yet kind with your words, and tackling problems together. If you're finding more arguments on your plate than discussions, or if the silence is becoming too loud, it might be a sign to take a closer look at your relationship. The Importance of Setting Boundaries Setting boundaries isn't about building walls but respecting each other's space, needs, and individuality. Healthy relationships thrive on this mutual understanding. But when boundaries get crossed regularly, it can feel like you're losing a part of yourself, which can lead to bitterness. Trust and Honesty: The Invisible Threads That Bind Trust is like the glue that holds everything together. It's about feeling secure and knowing your partner is honest and reliable. When trust starts to crack, it can shake the very foundation of a relationship. Repairing isn't always easy, but it's crucial for the relationship's health. Quality Time Together: Strengthening Bonds Strong relationships aren't just about being in the same room and genuinely being together. Quality time means engaging in activities that strengthen your bond. It's about listening, laughing, and learning about each other. When this piece of the puzzle is missing, partners can start to drift apart. Supporting Individual Growth A truly beautiful aspect of healthy relationships is watching each other grow. It's about supporting each other's dreams and goals. Growth isn't just personal; the relationship grows, becoming more prosperous and profound. Let's Talk: Keeping the Lines Open Make it a habit to check in with each other regularly. It's a time to share what's on your mind, to show appreciation, and to ensure you both feel valued. Sometimes, in the whirlwind of life, we forget to do this, and minor problems can start to feel more significant than they are. Every relationship is a journey with its twists and turns. It requires patience, love, and the willingness to face life's ups and downs together. Whether you're just starting or have been together for years, nurturing a healthy connection is always worth the effort. And if you ever feel like you're struggling, remember, asking for help is okay. For those moments, reaching out to a professional like a psychotherapist in Newmarket, ON can be a great support. We, at Rock of Peace Counselling, are there to help you navigate through the choppy waters of relationships. Our team understands the complexities of human connections and offers a guiding hand to those looking to strengthen their bonds. So, whether you want to improve a solid relationship or need help addressing some challenges, we, at Rock of Peace Counselling are ready to support you on your journey to a healthier, happier partnership.

I could identify with Princess Diana’s following response in the series The Crown (season 6, episode 3). Can you? Dodi Fayed’s character advised her to “slow down… Stop being in such a mad hurry to find whatever it is you’re looking for,” where Princess Diana’s character responded, “I think that’s been the story of my whole life. Dashing around. And losing sight of myself in the process.”